Our menu.
Appetizers
Comes with a side of guilt for not owning a home.
AVOCADO TOAST 2.0
For the millennial in all of us, now featuring even more avocado than necessary.
Comes with a side of guilt for not owning a home.
$80
$80
Paired with balsamic dressing, because it's the only thing that makes kale tolerable.
KALE SALAD
A superfood salad for people who pretend they enjoy eating leaves.
Paired with balsamic dressing, because it's the only thing that makes kale tolerable.
$90
$90
Includes artisanal meats you can’t pronounce and cheese that smells like regret.
"PETITE" CHARCUTERIE BOARD
A hipster’s dream come true, except it’s smaller than your attention span.
Includes artisanal meats you can’t pronounce and cheese that smells like regret.
$95
$95
Mains
Served with fries that are as cold as your future career prospects.
EXISTENTIAL BURGER
100% grass-fed beef topped with bacon, caramelized onions, and the crushing realization that life is meaningless.
Served with fries that are as cold as your future career prospects.
$150
$150
Comes with dressing on the side, just like your relationships.
SAD-LAD
For those moments when you say you’re “trying to be healthy,” but really, you just don’t know what else to order.
Comes with dressing on the side, just like your relationships.
$110
$110
Warning: may cause unsolicited CrossFit conversation.
Non-GMO, Gluten-Free, Plant-Based, Keto-Friendly, Low-Carb, Paleo, Organic, Cage-Free CHICKEN
Served on a bed of quinoa. Pairs perfectly with a side of insufferability.
Warning: may cause unsolicited CrossFit conversation.
$200
$200
Bevvies
Because we’re charging $6 for it and you’re too polite to say no.
CANNED WATER
Because we’re charging $6 for it and you’re too polite to say no.
$6
Comes with a reusable straw to ease your eco-guilt.
$6
$23 glass
/
$280 bottle
FANCY WINE
Red or white, who cares? We know you just ordered it because you saw someone else doing it on TikTok.
$23 glass
/
$280 bottle
Garnished with a lime and a slice of embarrassment
A HALLOWEEN-THEMED COCKTAIL
A strong mix of tequila, bad decisions, and that text you really shouldn’t have sent last night.
Garnished with a lime and a slice of embarrassment
$65
$65